As an organizer, I see over and over again the negative effects of clutter, and items being saved that no longer serve their owners’ best interests. For recent divorcees, starting over on a fresh note is imperative!
Dividing things up
When I was in the midst of my divorce, I remember making a list of just about everything in the house and putting a check mark next to all the things I wanted, needed, or was given to me by a family member or personal friend. Then my ex and I did some negotiating and for the most part, were able to agree on the rest. In my case, instead of staying in our house, I moved out and found a new place of my own.
Make the space your own
The biggest advantage was that I moved to a home that was free of memories and associations. If you’ve remained in the house you shared with your former spouse it will be important to make it your own.
To do this, I suggest you spend time in each room and look around as if you’ve never been there before. Sometimes, the more familiar we are with our surroundings, the less we actually see. With a new set of eyes ask yourself what if anything conjures strong memories of negative events or unpleasant emotions. It could be a piece of art on a wall, a photograph, a certain brand of soap in the bathroom, or the furniture arrangement.
Notice which rooms or items in each room make you feel calm and relaxed. Then determine why that is. Does it bring up happy memories of a time or place, or represent a hobby or activity you enjoy doing? Is it a serene place where you can look out a window at nature, a place to pray or meditate?
What do you want now?
As a married person with a career and children, I tended to ignore my personal loves and didn’t take time to do the things that made me happy. This seems to be a common situation among women in particular. Once I was on my own again I made a conscious decision to make time for the things I enjoyed doing, while remaining a responsible parent.
Whether you live in the same house or someplace different, I would encourage you to set aside a room or a corner of a room if necessary and create a refuge or retreat. It is where you will come to relax, reflect and reinvigorate yourself. Display items that make you feel calm, or create an area for reading your favorite books or magazines.
A divorce forces you to look at your life and plan a different future. If it’s been several years since you’ve given serious thought to where your life is heading and how you might want to change directions, then it’s helpful to rid your home of objects that no longer represent the person you are or want to become.
Starting fresh
If your home has been cluttered and disorganized in the past, this is a perfect time to make a change. Although we tend to get stressed by change, especially a divorce, it is also an opportunity to start fresh. Sometimes we hold onto things that keep us locked into the past. If you’re keeping things that haven’t been used in a very long time then its time to let them go.
Look in your wardrobe closet and get rid of clothing that has strong associations with your marriage or unhappy events. Sometimes in a divorce situation, feelings of guilt or a sense of failure may be present. By wearing fresh clothing that makes you feel good about yourself, you can counteract some of the emotional lows and mood swings that may be occurring. If you feel good in your clothes you exude and air of confidence and well-being, even if you don’t always feel it outwardly. See what else is in your closet that no longer represents your new life plans. Then, get rid of it!
Inexpensive changes
Every room in the house I shared with my husband was painted white, with a few exceptions. When I moved to my new place, I painted every room a beautiful color. Since color is something I love, it was very healing for me. Repainting one or more rooms is another inexpensive way to change the look and feel of your home.
Rearranging furniture or using a room for a different purpose can also signify a new beginning. And, in the process you will find the perfect opportunity to de-clutter and get rid of useless and forgotten items piled in corners, under beds, and on flat surfaces.
Healing takes time
Finally, if there are certain items associated with your marriage that you’re just not ready to part with, put them in boxes, label them, and get them out of the house! As time goes by and your new way of life takes hold, it will get easier to let them go.
